Thank you NAPAC. Your team were brilliant. They've helped me to turn my life around. I thought I would never come to terms with what happened to me as a child but you have shown me that recovery and healing is possible. Thank you from the hurting child deep inside my memory. 
My Poem
Jackie
I was only 18 when we first met,
You was the best i thought i could get.
You took me to see your family,
They seemed so nice, and very friendly,
We got on so well and had some fun,
Even though we was so young.
One day i felt rather rough,
Being pregnant would be tough.
Our parents said they knew what was best,
They wouldnt leave it ,let it rest.
They said we was much too young,
But we was having so much fun.
Your mum had changed because of this,
Your dad was great he helped us through,
Each scan i had you never missed,
But then one day it all went blue.
We had good days and our bad,
We often got so very mad,
We made it work for the baby's sake
Our love was beginning to be fake.
We stayed in touch for our child,
Seeing your family made me riled,
But your dad was the best,
He always sorted out the mess.
He had our child stay at theirs,
I trusted him i had no cares,
But now i know why that was so,
Grandad Poem
Jackie
"Hello Grandad, am so glad to meet you"
My mum told me that you are so funny,
When i was tucked up in her warm tummy.
I used to visit you and my nan,
We used to play hide and seek,
When i was small
And when i was meek.
My mum used to drop me regulary at yours,
To stay overnight if it rained or it poured.
One day you called me up the stairs
I could see you was different by your glare.
I thought we was going to have a chat,
I loved your company and was glad of that.
You always had special time for me,
I loved to sit up on your knee.
This day seemed different and you looked the same
I didn't realise this was a grandad's game,
You told me to lie up on your bed,
"This is cos i love you" that's what you said..
I stared up to the ceiling shade,
I then close my eyes and then i prayed.
In my head i sang a nursery rhymne,
I opened my eyes, and saw the time,
Mum would be here soon,
And then all would be fine.
I heard the door bell and got off the bed,
I ran down the stairs, my face all red,
Grandad was behind me all of the way,
My mum had come to take me away..
"See you next week" grandad did say,
I just wanted to get away,
I sat in the car wanting to tell,
But the words wouldn't come of my living hell.
I sat looking down to the floor
Too ashamed and angry, i dont know why
He is my grandad, he made me cry,
I thought he loved me, he kept telling me so,
So why's my cheeks all hot and aglow.
I want to tell my mum what he done,
But grandad said "You can't run"
"It's our little secret you must not tell"
"If you do you're go to Hell"
"No-one will believe you and your be taken away"
"No more fun, no more play"
"You will never see your mum"
"So keep it a secret little one"
My friends all talk of their grandads
But none of them say they are bad
That grandads make them feel like this,
I guess i'll never know what's right
But next time i'll try to fight.
My mum must never ever know,
She will hate me, this i know,
For grandad said they will take me away,
So at night i'll always pray,
That my mum will still love me,
Whatever i turn out to be...
PLEASE NOTE: NAPAC makes every effort to remove all identifying information. Names of perpetrators are only used where there has been a conviction in a court of law. NAPAC is not responsible for the accuracy of the stories.
