Survivors' Story

I was 7 when the abuse started. First by my older brother – he used to come into my bedroom. He first used to mess around, then lie on top of me, then put it up inside of me and really hurt a lot. That went on for about five years. But then my other brother started to do the same, but he used to leave money under my pillow.

Then my Father started abusing me - full sex and other things. I was very frightened of my Father, and so were the rest of my family, as he was a very violent man. We used to get the belt across the bottom and he hit us a lot.

My Mother was always going to Germany, as that’s where she was born. I was never close to her. She never even cuddled me or said she loved me at any time. She had her favourites and I wasn’t one of them – my other sisters were.

My Father used to say that he would come back and haunt me if I told anyone what he did. My Mother never knew – she died at the age of 56. I still miss her even if she never did love me as I loved her.

Both of my brothers are still alive - I only told my husband about them last June and I told him about my Father in 1986. He was gutted but he said he knew something was not right as I would not let him near my 2 girls at all – so he knew by that, and other things. I did confront my Father before he died – I went with my husband to do it and he confessed to what he did in front of us both. I had to do it for me. When I found out he had died I went to see him just to make sure he was dead. Not nice, but that’s how I felt. He made my life hell and I hoped that’s where he went.

I am getting help at the moment – but it’s hard as I keep having nightmares at the age of 54…and flashbacks as well. I would like both of my brothers to pay for what they have done.

I have two grandkids, a boy (16) and a girl (14), and they are what keep me going. I’ve been married for 30 years in July and it’s been tough. He is the only man that I trust and the only one who shows me how to love and be loved. I was married before for 4 years only – he was abusive as well and a bully and if I said no to sex he would do it anyway. I had two children with him and they witnessed a lot of things – plus I lost a baby boy because of him…he punched me and I fell over the wall…that caused me to lose the baby. Then I met this man in 1976 and have been with him ever since. We courted for two years before we married in 1978. He brought both my girls up but we never had any of our own…long story (and I don’t want to go into it).

Abuse was taboo decades ago – but not now…and yet it’s still going on in families! This is some of my story (it would take too long to go into all of it). Thanks for letting me tell some of it.

Ingrid