Survivors Poetry

Angels Without Wings
Alisha Blevins
2002 (age 20)

You've been reaching out to me all my life,
offering your knowledge,
your gifts, passions,
and love;
giving me the strength to search for truth,
to search for me--my soul--so lost and tattered.
For as a child, all alone and
bruised and degraded,
I could still look up and see
light and joy--
your many faces--
my hope,
so that I never let go.
I never lost that spark that was born inside of me;
as naturally a part of me as water to the snow--
pure and gleaming--
born from the expansive sky.
With your endurance, you kept me strong.
With your courage, you taught me not to fear.
With your understanding, you allowed me to feel;
never told me not to hurt or want.
You just stood proud, with the power of a thousand angels--
angels without wings or halos;
but with hearts that hear and hands that heal
quiet pain and silent tears.
You were angels with wisdom to know
our lives are not scripted;
our hearts are not stagnant.
Our souls shouldn't be like wood--dried
and cracked by the weather of indignity.



Daddy, you were wrong
Alisha Blevins
2001 (age 19)

I know I was never what you dreamed I would be,
never measured up to your goals for me.
I wanted to work hard like you
and be proud of what I could do.
But I could never achieve
what you would receive
as a job well-done--
my efforts were all shunned.

You brutally bruised me with a belt,
never caring how I felt;
ripped gashes in my flesh
to teach me what was best;
trained me and shamed me,
like an animal in captivity.

You couldn't see
any good in me--
a little girl, still growing,
with no way of knowing
how to be what you wanted.
So now I am haunted
by your savage claws,
your demanding laws,
cold, ruthless eyes
and my own desperate cries;
but mostly, the ever-aching absence of your love.
You pushed and shoved;
insisted I was worthless,
and I began to accept this.
I believed you for so long,
but daddy, you were wrong.

I've searched my heart
and torn it all apart,
just to find a little truth;
because I refuse
to carry on or pass along
all that you made wrong.

I know you only did what you believed was right,
and you will never wake up and see the light.
This way of life is all you could ever know,
'cause you were left alone in the bitter snow--
a dreadful blot in their perfect white.
You were just another part of this endless fight,
just another round in the cycle of abuse;
and you never broke loose.

So although your love
is something I'll never feel,
I will go on living
and my wounds will heal.
I will break this cycle,
and forever reject
bitterness, violence,
hate, and neglect.

And though you've never been able to
nurture what you planted,
I'll cherish this life you've given
and never take it for granted.