Survivors' Story

I was born on the 25th November 1984 in Gloucester Hospital. I weighed 1lb 6oz and was born 14 weeks premature. The doctors said at Gloucester hospital that I would not live or if I did I would be born with profound multiple learning disabilities. I was transferred to Bristol Hospital at that point. I then spent 6 months in Special Baby Care then 6 months in Intensive Care following difficulties with breathing and eyesight. At the time of my birth Dad was due in court for malicious wounding on a homeless man.

After I left the hospital when I was a baby Mum and Dad moved in together when I was 2 years of age. The physical and emotional abuse by my father occurred throughout my childhood from the ages of 5-12. And the sexual abuse from my grandfather occurred randomly throughout my childhood.

Dad's physical abuse on me consisted of pulling me up the stairs by my hair so hard my hair strands fell out. After that Dad would chuck me on my bed in my room and smack me so hard it stung. After that Dad would hold me down across the chest and threaten to kill me. I couldn’t breath properly at the time, Dad stopped when I began to choke. This would occur while Mum was at home or when Mum wasn’t about. But I realise now Mum couldn’t do anything because she was being physically and mentally abused herself by Dad. The abuse would occur 3-4 times a week. I said to Dad once I would tell the police if he hurt me like that again. Dad said ‘ if you ever tell anyone I will kill you’. This kept me quiet for a long time.

Dad's special name for me was gay boy. Dad would wind me up with this when he got bored to such an extent where by I would be naughty and then he would smack me. On another occasion Dad repeatedly gave me a dead leg because I couldn’t do shoe laces up because I  suffered from dyspraxia. One time Dad tied me up to a metal post in the garden as a joke, after tying me up Dad wiped a bogey on me.  One night Dad and I were watching Children in Need and an NSPCC advert came on the television. The advertisement made references to abuse suffered by myself. Dad made the comment “that’s what I did to you” then he laughed. Another time Dad punched me in the face whilst Mum was upstairs. Dad said I deserved it. My nose was bleeding as  a result of being punched in the face. I told Mum about my nose but she didn’t say anything. On another occasion, Dad lost his temper with me and chucked me from one end of the room to the next. My head hit the wall and I felt as if my brain was going to pop. I had a headache for a while after that. Dad would always say he was sorry after he hurt me, but I knew he was never truly sorry because he kept hurting me. I was never allowed to cry properly or able to express myself due to fear of violence or what would happen next. Additionally, Dad behaved the same way towards my Mum and sister.

After Mum kicked Dad out at 12 because she had had enough of Dad’s abuse Mum began to drink heavily. This resulted in Mum becoming an alcoholic and from the age of 10-15 I looked after my Mum and sister. Mum I’m glad to say is coming up to 8 years in sobriety.  

My grandfather sexually abused me when I was visiting my grandmother’s house throughout my childhood. My grandfather would sit next to me and squeeze my knee and say to me “seems a nice boy then”. He would then move on to using language of a sexual undertone such as making reference to my balls or asking questions such as “what age are the girls at school losing their virginity?” On one occasion granddad showed me a pornographic magazine at 7 and then offered to show me a “porno movie”. On one occasion Dad and granddad were in the same room together. Granddad for a joke balanced a condom on my nose and then dad and granddad laughed at me.

Recently I have witnessed my grandfather sexually assault my cousin, and my dad physically/emotionally abuse my younger brother and sister. I have reported all of this to the police (July 2007). I am glad I did because this whole disclosure allowed me to tell the truth and this set me free. Not only that but to safeguard and protect other children in the family younger than me, because children cannot protect themselves properly because they are vulnerable. The main point being, is for myself I have done everything possible to protect vulnerable persons from abuse and to lead my life to the best of my ability. After overcoming all of this I am currently studying law at university and look forward to life one day at a time.

James