Survivors' Story

My name is Laura, I'm now 25, I was 13 1/2 when I was first touched sexually, I remember watching eastenders when it happened, (its strange I don’t remember that day or what I did but I remember the next day), I remember the initial reaction he gave he panicked and rubbed what he had done in my face waving his hands around indicating his fingers.... I felt so small and invaded during all the commotion he scratched my face and took me to the toilet to clean it and kept whispering 'ill tell your mum in the morning' so that night I went to bed didn’t speak to my mum I just kept my head low I don’t recall eating any breakfast I just felt sick.... I was so worried that it was me who had done something wrong.
 
That day at school was a complete blur to me, I hardly even recall going home, little did I know this was only the beginning of the end of my teenage era.
 
He told me he couldn’t tell my mum and that it wouldn’t happen again and he asked if I still trusted him what else could I say apart from 'yes' I was terrified of pushing him over the edge after that I soon became his 'princess' I quiver when I recall things like that.
 
It pretty much spiralled from there, in his head we were a couple, in my head it was pure hell!!! he had done everything to me except have full blown intercourse.... I hated every second of every minute with him but I daren’t have let it show.
 
He used to pick me up from school and drop me off, my friends teased me about him calling him my boyfriend (I just wanted to die) he even drove into school gates and started shouting a boys name of who I liked (he was pushing me too far but what could I do) no one in my family ever suspected anything even my little sister started with a crush on him (the difference between her and me was I was too shy but nobody believed her) until now.
 
I have no idea whether I was no 1 or even no 10 but to this day I still feel like a victim rather than a survivor the last time I saw him I fainted.

 
Laura, now 25